Three drafts and it's not coming... Trying to write about this weekend and motherhood. I am trying to gauge what resonates with the people reading this blog, what would be a good read... not necessarily what is on my heart. I feel like I have been so heavy... a bit dark... I wanted more of a fluffier piece, I suppose fluffy doesn't work for me right now.
This weekend I took the kids on a road trip... selfish of sorts... I really wanted to attend the Women of Faith - From Survival to Revival. With a husband who works nights it is hard to plan an overnight... Survival to Revival.
Last week... I was in and out of LA for work... my flight was delayed and driving I was kicking myself... I might miss my kids and their closing ceremony at AWANA (a club at our church). My eyes started filling with tears as I thought I would miss seeing them get their awards for Bible verse memorization, they actually finished their whole book this year. I thought I would miss them singing... The Spirit then calmed my heart, made me slow down and I arrived between the pastors prayer and the first club on stage. This girl forgets that God will ALWAYS plant me where He wants me.
Thursday was a full day of work followed by a wonderful vacation day on Friday which consisted of laundry from last the trip at the top of the week... a full load of each of my children's laundry. Packing... each child packs their own... I inspect - zipping open the Hello Kitty suitcase digging underneath coloring books, markers, reading books and dolls finding the clothes... bathing suits, PJ's, undies, socks, shoes, three outfits. Where is your brush, toothbrush and paste? Thank goodness I looked... Opening the second suitcase, Angry Birds staring at me... Pandy (my son's beloved panda), undies, PJ top... missing the bottoms... socks, nope those are missing too. All jeans and a couple long sleeve tees; it will be 100 in Phoenix this weekend... so lets start over on this...
Packing lunches and snacks for the road... two hours in a car... four kids, mom and the bestie... rush, rush, rush... mad dash... Make it to the hotel, meet the group, check-in... unpack the car, situate the kids with their baby-sitter....
The rushing stops in time for dinner with some wonderful ladies... Finally at the conference settled into the seat... Thousands of Women of Faith fill the church floor, in the balconies three rows. The music pulses - fantastic
worship, some over the top-pee-in-your-pants humor and a great first guest
speaker. This is vacation... Vacation for my Spirit.
I already mentioned the theme - From Survival to Revival... my second Women of Faith conference.
I don't feel like a woman (wife, mother, friend or daughter of Christ ) surviving anymore... getting from moment to moment, just pushing through from day to day... BUT there are those days and weeks; much like this last one... When your back aches from standing over the sink, your head hurts from telling your child(ren) once again that they cannot have candy for breakfast, jump on the couch, play in the dog water, fight with their sister, color on the walls, shoot water guns at the dog from the bath tub every-time the dog walks in, pick up your clothes-make sure it gets in the hamper... and so on... it's exhausting. Those days for me are just every day... not surviving but making sure I am MOM, making sure I continually correct them because that's what MOM's do... I do it so that they become amazing people for the Kingdom.
No, I don't feel in Survival mode... I feel like I am in Revival mode! I feel called to make a point, right or wrong to get women thinking, speaking, pushing the envelope. Using their voices to proclaim for themselves, for their husbands for their kids... proclaim the One who saves!
Revival!!!! My voice is mighty... Your voice is mighty... we were not called to sit in silence. We are called to have a personal relationship with the One who seeks after us. Nudging our hearts with the feeling like there is something more out there, so much bigger than we could ever imagine.
The mighty voice of a young pregnant woman (8 months to be exact) who without the renouncing of her faith will be allowed to give birth, be lashed 100 times and then be hung because she believes in the living God, Jesus Christ her savior. {If you haven't read about this please read on Mariam Yehya http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2628895/Sudanese-woman-eight-months-pregnant-flogged-death-unless-she.html}
And we... live in a country where we are still free to believe what we want. Gather as free people in churches. We are allowed to speak as the Constitution allows... And we allow ourselves to be silenced... And we don't want to offend... And we are afraid to speak our faith and preserve ourselves, preserve our pride and protect the image others have of us. At least that was me!
Meanwhile... Miriam, with not only her life to consider... believes in her God, believes that He will save --- BUT even if he doesn't... reminds me of Daniel 3:17-18.
17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will from Your Majesty’s hand. 18 But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.
But even if He doesn't.... BOLD proclamation there... Revival.
This weekend I took the kids on a road trip... selfish of sorts... I really wanted to attend the Women of Faith - From Survival to Revival. With a husband who works nights it is hard to plan an overnight... Survival to Revival.
Last week... I was in and out of LA for work... my flight was delayed and driving I was kicking myself... I might miss my kids and their closing ceremony at AWANA (a club at our church). My eyes started filling with tears as I thought I would miss seeing them get their awards for Bible verse memorization, they actually finished their whole book this year. I thought I would miss them singing... The Spirit then calmed my heart, made me slow down and I arrived between the pastors prayer and the first club on stage. This girl forgets that God will ALWAYS plant me where He wants me.
Thursday was a full day of work followed by a wonderful vacation day on Friday which consisted of laundry from last the trip at the top of the week... a full load of each of my children's laundry. Packing... each child packs their own... I inspect - zipping open the Hello Kitty suitcase digging underneath coloring books, markers, reading books and dolls finding the clothes... bathing suits, PJ's, undies, socks, shoes, three outfits. Where is your brush, toothbrush and paste? Thank goodness I looked... Opening the second suitcase, Angry Birds staring at me... Pandy (my son's beloved panda), undies, PJ top... missing the bottoms... socks, nope those are missing too. All jeans and a couple long sleeve tees; it will be 100 in Phoenix this weekend... so lets start over on this...
Packing lunches and snacks for the road... two hours in a car... four kids, mom and the bestie... rush, rush, rush... mad dash... Make it to the hotel, meet the group, check-in... unpack the car, situate the kids with their baby-sitter....
The rushing stops in time for dinner with some wonderful ladies... Finally at the conference settled into the seat... Thousands of Women of Faith fill the church floor, in the balconies three rows. The music pulses - fantastic
worship, some over the top-pee-in-your-pants humor and a great first guest
speaker. This is vacation... Vacation for my Spirit.
I already mentioned the theme - From Survival to Revival... my second Women of Faith conference.
I don't feel like a woman (wife, mother, friend or daughter of Christ ) surviving anymore... getting from moment to moment, just pushing through from day to day... BUT there are those days and weeks; much like this last one... When your back aches from standing over the sink, your head hurts from telling your child(ren) once again that they cannot have candy for breakfast, jump on the couch, play in the dog water, fight with their sister, color on the walls, shoot water guns at the dog from the bath tub every-time the dog walks in, pick up your clothes-make sure it gets in the hamper... and so on... it's exhausting. Those days for me are just every day... not surviving but making sure I am MOM, making sure I continually correct them because that's what MOM's do... I do it so that they become amazing people for the Kingdom.
No, I don't feel in Survival mode... I feel like I am in Revival mode! I feel called to make a point, right or wrong to get women thinking, speaking, pushing the envelope. Using their voices to proclaim for themselves, for their husbands for their kids... proclaim the One who saves!
Revival!!!! My voice is mighty... Your voice is mighty... we were not called to sit in silence. We are called to have a personal relationship with the One who seeks after us. Nudging our hearts with the feeling like there is something more out there, so much bigger than we could ever imagine.
The mighty voice of a young pregnant woman (8 months to be exact) who without the renouncing of her faith will be allowed to give birth, be lashed 100 times and then be hung because she believes in the living God, Jesus Christ her savior. {If you haven't read about this please read on Mariam Yehya http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2628895/Sudanese-woman-eight-months-pregnant-flogged-death-unless-she.html}
And we... live in a country where we are still free to believe what we want. Gather as free people in churches. We are allowed to speak as the Constitution allows... And we allow ourselves to be silenced... And we don't want to offend... And we are afraid to speak our faith and preserve ourselves, preserve our pride and protect the image others have of us. At least that was me!
Meanwhile... Miriam, with not only her life to consider... believes in her God, believes that He will save --- BUT even if he doesn't... reminds me of Daniel 3:17-18.
17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will from Your Majesty’s hand. 18 But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.
But even if He doesn't.... BOLD proclamation there... Revival.
My mind immediately thinks about the flag carrier of the Civil War... The Regimental Flag
The Regimental Flag in the Civil War (as well as others) took on a significant roll. Men sacrificed their lines protecting it. A soldiers first loyalty was typically towards their Regiment as it represented their home state. The flags were treated with reverence. Critical in Battle among the confusion of noise, people and smoke; regiments could become confused and scattered not hearing bugel calls the flag serves as a visual rallying point. The holders of these flags are called the Color Guard... Required to be BRAVE, specifically EXTRAORDINARY BRAVERY... Carrying the flag where directed... unarmed and under-fire! To face the Enemy... Never break, run or retreat or else the entire regiment would follow. And finally, tattered flags tell a story, like a scrapbook.. names of battles were stitched into the flags; tattered and torn took on a deeper significance. (information taken from About.com)
The Regimental Flag in the Civil War (as well as others) took on a significant roll. Men sacrificed their lines protecting it. A soldiers first loyalty was typically towards their Regiment as it represented their home state. The flags were treated with reverence. Critical in Battle among the confusion of noise, people and smoke; regiments could become confused and scattered not hearing bugel calls the flag serves as a visual rallying point. The holders of these flags are called the Color Guard... Required to be BRAVE, specifically EXTRAORDINARY BRAVERY... Carrying the flag where directed... unarmed and under-fire! To face the Enemy... Never break, run or retreat or else the entire regiment would follow. And finally, tattered flags tell a story, like a scrapbook.. names of battles were stitched into the flags; tattered and torn took on a deeper significance. (information taken from About.com)
I don't know about you... but I want to be a part of the Color Guard... carrying the flag into battle for my family. Going where my God directs, listening to the instruction of my husband. Following with my eyes up to the One who calls my Heart, calms the Storms of this life, the Author and Finisher of my faith so that when... When... if ever... I am called to renounce my faith for self-preservation again either by the person next to me getting offended because I read the Bible in public, or the person asking me what I am doing this weekend and it ends with church... or saying this song, movie, dress, way of speaking, etc. etc. etc. is not appropriate because I am a believer OR if someone says renounce your faith and follow something other than mine lest you face death... I don't want to retreat in battle but stand firm in the faith.
I want to be the mom my kids remember during the difficult times and say... I remember when mom stood firm, when mom prayed for us, when mom silently cried when it was too hard but followed after God anyway. I want to be that beacon... When they read this or the journal I am writing for them that gives them the words to help them through the tough stuff... and directs them back to the King of Kings in the Bible.
A mother... a beacon... preserver of the faith... color guard... known for Extraordinary Bravery in the face of danger, unarmed and under-fire..... Facing the enemy... With not my might but GOD's... Unarmed becoming armed on the Word of God alone... covered with His Armor... His courage on his path.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for giving this girl courage. Thank you for always putting me where you want me. Thank you for forgiving me with grace and mercy. Thank you for reminding me this weekend to love myself... to see myself as you see me. For allowing my voice to come full circle and to see myself as brave... REVIVAL for myself, my family and for other women as well. Thank you for the courage and faith in you to step out and do what I love to do for you... Thank you for this life, in this land. ~ Amen
I want to be the mom my kids remember during the difficult times and say... I remember when mom stood firm, when mom prayed for us, when mom silently cried when it was too hard but followed after God anyway. I want to be that beacon... When they read this or the journal I am writing for them that gives them the words to help them through the tough stuff... and directs them back to the King of Kings in the Bible.
A mother... a beacon... preserver of the faith... color guard... known for Extraordinary Bravery in the face of danger, unarmed and under-fire..... Facing the enemy... With not my might but GOD's... Unarmed becoming armed on the Word of God alone... covered with His Armor... His courage on his path.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for giving this girl courage. Thank you for always putting me where you want me. Thank you for forgiving me with grace and mercy. Thank you for reminding me this weekend to love myself... to see myself as you see me. For allowing my voice to come full circle and to see myself as brave... REVIVAL for myself, my family and for other women as well. Thank you for the courage and faith in you to step out and do what I love to do for you... Thank you for this life, in this land. ~ Amen
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