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Sharing Her Untitled Story

3/31/2022

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Hello Friends and Readers    


     My mind was wondering this morning, and I was remembering that Laurie always talked about the woman at the well.  In my thoughts I was observing the evidence that this encounter was Jesus going after that one sheep.  Jesus came for the lost the broken and the outcast. She was all of those things. Picture this you have a Jewish man talking to a Samaritan women in the heat of the day.  When ever would we go seeking out conversations in the heat of day with a group of people who we do not get along with?  I'd say almost never!  Jesus did!  Jesus saw value in the women at the well, even though she was not living right.  Jesus went after the one, that lost sheep trapped in sin, as we all have been or are at one time or another.  If we would just put our identity in Jesus we could be freed from so many traps that this world is gorged with.  Below My Late Wife and Bestest Friend LT writes about some of these traps.  She was so transparent and honest at times, may the Lord help us be more open about our troubles, because honestly when we see others struggles it makes us realize we are just merely human, and being brutally honest with people we create relationships in which people can relate and do not feel alone.

   I wander like a lost sheep, seek your servant  Ps 119:176

   “What man among you, who has a hundred sheep and loses one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open field and go after the lost one until he finds it? When he has found it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders, and coming home, he calls his friends and neighbors together, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, because I have found my lost sheep!’ I tell you, in the same way, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous people who don’t need repentance.  Luke 15:4-8

     Complete transparency here.  I have always struggled with my identity.  Struggled with not being enough.   Good enough, smart enough, kind enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, worthy enough and it's always taken that one loud voice, that one condemming voice, that one unkind voice, and that one exlusive voice to convince me that my thoughts to those words were correct.  The symptoms of those words manifest in belief, self-doubt, isolation and self harm.  I began to believe those words.  I began to think that great things only come from other people.  I began to treat myself that way.  When I began to believe it, I began looking for the double meaning in things people would say and gave birth to a vicious cycle.  

I realize these sound like the ramblings of a person who's lost touch with reality and there were and still are days I really need to reign it in.  There are days when I really need the encouragers, you know who you are... the world needs more of you.  

Self-harm can come in various ways.  It can be as simple as what you say and think about yourself.  It can be stress/depression eating, binge eating, starvation, cutting, it can be so many things... so many things that were never meant to be a part of the live we were created to live.  

It's not just my issue, I am not alone here.  I know there are other women who fall into this trap.  I know, because I have journeyed with them.  It's not a woman's issue either... it's a human-kind issue.  It's men and women, it's our sons and daughters.  It's what's out there, it's how were taught, the value placed on the wrong things or incorrectly on the right things.  We've lost sight of absolute truths.  It's not going to get better until someone is brave enough to call it what it is... lies... stand... however freeibly and speak truth.  

​  She's not wrong on that last sentence!  Are we going to be brave enough and love like Jesus to be in search of the one who falls into life traps or are we going to hang with the flock and not seek truth speak truth.  I encourage to seek the ones in you life that need truth spoken to them without judgement, support them guide them, or even just be that listening ear for them. The one who will sit quietly and be there for them.  Stand up to the lies that come from this dark world.  Be a light a beacon of hope for someone.  Let's love like Jesus, because he loved us first.

Blessings,
​mydoubledose
​
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Her Story Follows Another

3/20/2022

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My Dear Late Wife Wrote These Following Words I Can Only Image Who They Were Written For A Few Names Come To Mind, But Who Knew Her Story Would Soon Follow These Words She Wrote:

I am angry tonight and I have been trying to avoid this topic.  I am not sure if it will be posted, it’s too soon but I had to give into the words that have been bouncing around in my head.   What do you do when bad things happen to really good people?   There is no shortage of sadness in the world that is for sure; no shortage of unspeakable acts on TV, crimes against humanity – too much I can’t keep up.   Too much that I am desensitized to it – I just cannot follow it. No news in this house anymore, that’s just the way it is.
But when it hits close to home…  when the bad, unspeakable stuff happens to your friends, colleagues… people you love…  When you have faith… what do you do?
I see their faces as I type this… I cannot even type out the words of their struggles.  Yesterday, as I was hearing for the first time of news, of another struggle… I just sat in disbelief and thought to myself.  “Seriously God, like really? Surely you could not have allowed this”.  The faith in me knows,  that he allows all things… according to his great plan.  I don’t see the great in this, I may never see the great in this… So before my own faith could waiver, before I would shake my fist at the sky… before…  before I could dishonor Him more.  I prayed and then I encircled my Women’s Group and we prayed some more.
Today was much more of the same.  I don’t have answers.  I won’t even pretend to.  Sometimes there are just no words.  Nothing to say.  
 
I Now Must Say That I At Times Question God Of Why He Took LT Home, Unlike Her I Have Not Been Angry.  I Have Asked For Peace And Comfort From The Only One Who Can Provide Such A Request And That Is Our One And Only Creator, God Himself And He Has Provided Such, But Even My Son Has Questioned At Times To Me, Why Would God Take Such A Strong Player Out Of The Game.  I Told Him I Ask God The Same Thing From Time To Time.  Some Of Her Story I UnderStand Very Well God Has Reviled Those Things To Me, And There Are Just Times I Asked God Just As LT Did Above "Surely God You Could Not Have Allowed This".  I Ask Him How Do You Expect Me To Properly Raise My Kids In Your Spirit, To Have Proper Balance Without Her.   Things Are For Sure Out Of Balance Without My Life Partner.  So Many Things Have Come To A Halt With Her Not Here Is One Of The Reasons I Question God on His Will, But Here Again I Have Used The Same Words As Her.  "I Don't Have Answers, I Won't Even Pretend Too.  And As I Have Written In Recent Past, "Sometimes There Are Just No Words.  Nothing To Say", But I will Say This I Will Still Love Like Jesus Just As She Did To All That She Surrounded And All That Surrounded Her.  My Mind May Question, But My Faith Will Be Stedfast In Him.  So I Will Love Like Jesus, Because He Loved Us First.   
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    i am a Jesus follower.  i am a wife, mother, home-maker and event planner.  life is crazy most of the time but i wouldn't trade one minute.

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Micah 7:7
But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.