I was home sick yesterday... fighting a cold that has me worn down. I am tired... I am achy.... I am short tempered... I AM WORN.
My husband was kind enough to take the kids to school yesterday for me. He loves the time with them and I am so thankful.
I am also transitioning to a work-at-home situation, which has some disadvantages but I am thankful for all the advantages it affords me. Most importantly, I get to stay with a company I love, have loved for 16 years and believe in.
So yesterday, in my tired and worn state I began to make room for this new adventure. We found some "new" office furniture off of Craig's List and picked it up on Monday night. We've been able to take some much loved collectables out of boxes and repurpose them for a tranquil setting in my new office space. The hubbie teases me that we have a cubicle in our bedroom... we don't!
Not quite done with the sorting, cleaning, boxing - determining what goes and what stays... I am tired. My hubbie also went to pick the kids up from school last night. I stayed home to fold the endless pile of laundry we've been going through (did I mention I was sick and tired?)... baby cloths... 6 mo. to 5T. (If you, my friends and readers, need girls clothes (some boys) message me)... it's all going in the yard-sale bin anyway.
I was going through those things yesterday, in tears, buttoning the snaps of footie-pajamas my daughter used to snuggle into. Tiny brown tennis shoes my son learned to walk in. I found the "to keep" tub and put some more items I can't bear to part with in it... one tub "to-keep" and five to sell.
My husband was kind enough to take the kids to school yesterday for me. He loves the time with them and I am so thankful.
I am also transitioning to a work-at-home situation, which has some disadvantages but I am thankful for all the advantages it affords me. Most importantly, I get to stay with a company I love, have loved for 16 years and believe in.
So yesterday, in my tired and worn state I began to make room for this new adventure. We found some "new" office furniture off of Craig's List and picked it up on Monday night. We've been able to take some much loved collectables out of boxes and repurpose them for a tranquil setting in my new office space. The hubbie teases me that we have a cubicle in our bedroom... we don't!
Not quite done with the sorting, cleaning, boxing - determining what goes and what stays... I am tired. My hubbie also went to pick the kids up from school last night. I stayed home to fold the endless pile of laundry we've been going through (did I mention I was sick and tired?)... baby cloths... 6 mo. to 5T. (If you, my friends and readers, need girls clothes (some boys) message me)... it's all going in the yard-sale bin anyway.
I was going through those things yesterday, in tears, buttoning the snaps of footie-pajamas my daughter used to snuggle into. Tiny brown tennis shoes my son learned to walk in. I found the "to keep" tub and put some more items I can't bear to part with in it... one tub "to-keep" and five to sell.
I know I write a lot about our infertility but really... it was 10 years of our life. 10 years of determined, purposeful-focus. I don't know how many of my readers have focus so intently, prayed for something so much that it consumes you... devours your time and energy and creates havoc on your mental, physical and emotional state.
There was a time when I couldn't attend the baby showers of my friends and a time when I couldn't hold their newborn babies because I grieved too much for myself. A time when I couldn't see the blessings around me, past my own heart-break and shame.
There was a time when I couldn't attend the baby showers of my friends and a time when I couldn't hold their newborn babies because I grieved too much for myself. A time when I couldn't see the blessings around me, past my own heart-break and shame.
Yesterday as I was sorting, holding, snapping and folding these precious outfits that will sell for 25 cents a piece on my lawn... I remembered holding my babies, tucking them in... the formula stained shirts that are worthless to sell, and never will, but somehow made it in my "to-keep" box.
A moment to myself... I managed to finish and got it together before my son came bounding up the side walk. I heard him before I saw him... "Hi Mom! I am home" and then I see him... his smile coming in the door... "Hey Mom, have you seen my helmet? We're going to the park with Daddy". Shortly after him my daughter walks quietly in... straight over to me and says "Hi Mom! I am coming for a kiss". She no longer wears footie pajamas and his brown tennis shoes have been replaced with orange and gray "Jordan's" (I got on sale). I smile as they scoot away.
Yes! I am blessed beyond measure and at the moment it brings me to my knees...
Thursday I have an ultrasound to check my ovaries... to find out what they are doing... because they never worked right and still don't. I know that the trying days are past. The baby days are over... I am in the present with my children and that is all that matters...
Blessed beyond measure and on my knees...
My God! I will never stop saying Thank You for all the blessings in my life. I will never stop saying Thank You for the 10 years of struggle it took to have
the children you intended for us. I see how you were at work in every moment and I am so thankful. Bowed down before you I know you hear my heart. I know you hear my thoughts and I am humbled... thankful... blessed beyond words. So when I am tired and weary... when the rest of the world asks "where is your God, who is He?"... I can say... He is everywhere, all the time, in the midst of everything and no one... not one single person can take that from me. Amen!
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made
perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my
weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why,
for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in
persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
A moment to myself... I managed to finish and got it together before my son came bounding up the side walk. I heard him before I saw him... "Hi Mom! I am home" and then I see him... his smile coming in the door... "Hey Mom, have you seen my helmet? We're going to the park with Daddy". Shortly after him my daughter walks quietly in... straight over to me and says "Hi Mom! I am coming for a kiss". She no longer wears footie pajamas and his brown tennis shoes have been replaced with orange and gray "Jordan's" (I got on sale). I smile as they scoot away.
Yes! I am blessed beyond measure and at the moment it brings me to my knees...
Thursday I have an ultrasound to check my ovaries... to find out what they are doing... because they never worked right and still don't. I know that the trying days are past. The baby days are over... I am in the present with my children and that is all that matters...
Blessed beyond measure and on my knees...
My God! I will never stop saying Thank You for all the blessings in my life. I will never stop saying Thank You for the 10 years of struggle it took to have
the children you intended for us. I see how you were at work in every moment and I am so thankful. Bowed down before you I know you hear my heart. I know you hear my thoughts and I am humbled... thankful... blessed beyond words. So when I am tired and weary... when the rest of the world asks "where is your God, who is He?"... I can say... He is everywhere, all the time, in the midst of everything and no one... not one single person can take that from me. Amen!
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made
perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my
weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why,
for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in
persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
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