I am... quite literally sitting here dumb founded. Just dumb founded.
When I woke up this morning I had no idea how impactful the verse I posted this morning would be by the end of the day.
At a complete loss for words, did I already say dumb founded?
When I woke up this morning I had no idea how impactful the verse I posted this morning would be by the end of the day.
At a complete loss for words, did I already say dumb founded?
Fortuitous possibly... God preparing my heart and giving me an explanation for the evening visit? I have no idea. I am however grateful. Grateful that He can say to this fearful heart, you don't have to understand. His ways indeed are not my ways. His ways also surpass all expectation.
It began with a snub and I wont get into all the dirty laundry or how the chain of events progressed but it began with a snub, which ushered in a two year family feud. Only there were at least half of us who weren't aware there was a family issue brewing until June of this year... a full year an a half we've been living life almost without a clue that there was a bigger swell coming.
Likening it to the peaceful eye of the storm for a year and a half.... I still don't understand it fully.
I will say expectation is a mighty dangerous word which leads down the path to presumption. The expectation that we should be spending out time doing what others expect and when those expectations aren't met, can't possibly be met there is the presumption that we do not love, we do not care...
As that presumption gives way to speculation the enemy weasels his way in, first to the mind as wonder, worry and concern give way to insecurities. Those insecurities hurt the heart and begin to chip away at a foundation of love long ago laid. There's suddenly nothing anyone can say or do to make the situation right. That's the reality we've lived in.
The politeness crosses over into accusations and hateful words. Evil seeping into every word until the apologies which should have made it better cannot even work themselves from lips to ears.
I wonder if that's where, "From your lips to God's ears comes from?"
Please don't misunderstand, I am not without blame. I do come from a long line of "yellers". Where talking it out crosses over into a new range of loud. Not very Christianly, I know... I am aware and it's a habit I am trying very hard to break...
Likening it to the peaceful eye of the storm for a year and a half.... I still don't understand it fully.
I will say expectation is a mighty dangerous word which leads down the path to presumption. The expectation that we should be spending out time doing what others expect and when those expectations aren't met, can't possibly be met there is the presumption that we do not love, we do not care...
As that presumption gives way to speculation the enemy weasels his way in, first to the mind as wonder, worry and concern give way to insecurities. Those insecurities hurt the heart and begin to chip away at a foundation of love long ago laid. There's suddenly nothing anyone can say or do to make the situation right. That's the reality we've lived in.
The politeness crosses over into accusations and hateful words. Evil seeping into every word until the apologies which should have made it better cannot even work themselves from lips to ears.
I wonder if that's where, "From your lips to God's ears comes from?"
Please don't misunderstand, I am not without blame. I do come from a long line of "yellers". Where talking it out crosses over into a new range of loud. Not very Christianly, I know... I am aware and it's a habit I am trying very hard to break...
"...Though she be but little she be fierce." Thank you Shakespeare!
I will say though, that it got so bad only an act of God could put it back together. I prayed over the situation, others prayed over the situation. I prayed for and to God for a delivery through and out of this situation and because it was as bad as it was... I could only lift up in prayer every ounce of love I still had for these people and leave it there.
Prayer is mighty... mighty... mighty... I made a decision completely out of character for me. I stopped speaking about it. I stopped engaging. I didn't call back when confronted. I kept in prayer. As the verbal accusations continued to come, almost every other day and intensified this week... I remained silent when everything in me begged to call and stand up for myself and my family... That is my nature.
Instead another bible verse continued to come to mind...
Prayer is mighty... mighty... mighty... I made a decision completely out of character for me. I stopped speaking about it. I stopped engaging. I didn't call back when confronted. I kept in prayer. As the verbal accusations continued to come, almost every other day and intensified this week... I remained silent when everything in me begged to call and stand up for myself and my family... That is my nature.
Instead another bible verse continued to come to mind...
Ephesians 6:13
Therefore, take up the full armor of God,
so that you will be able to resist in that evil day,
and having done everything, stand firm.
Therefore, take up the full armor of God,
so that you will be able to resist in that evil day,
and having done everything, stand firm.
I am keenly aware I have to guard myself at all times, especially when the world wants to look at me, a Christian, and wait... wait for the slip up... wait for something contrary to those things we're supposed to believe in. I want to say to that... I am not perfect, I sin every single day and because I sin every single day I have to look for that Grace that is found in Jesus Christ. That is the very breath of who I am... I sin, therefore I need God.
In knowing this... in loving family even when it's hard I had to remind myself every day to stay away. There were moments when I felt "called" to reach out, to bridge the gap between me and them but I had to remain on guard of myself.
A few days ago, "it" was the worst... I found myself on my knees willing God to let me call them so that I could be over and done with it. I had my battle plan and all the things I was going to do to rid myself from the hurt. In prayer, my heart was settled and called to wait. Wait some more... ugh. That same morning, after my prayer, I flipped my Bible open to the following passage...
Psalm 37 and a lot of it resonated with me in this season... but nothing more than these words lit almost on fire...
Psalm 37:34 Wait on the Lord, And keep His way
So I waited. I waited for God to provide his moment...
A moment which came this evening in an unexpected visit when the door bell rang. I have never been so tied up in knots as I was this evening. There was no weirdness.... well a little, but there was none of the hate and evil as before. There was none of the funny looks. For sure there were some things left unspoken and I hope they come out from both sides of the gap none of which will or can happen over night but this moment was for sure a break in the weather.
In knowing this... in loving family even when it's hard I had to remind myself every day to stay away. There were moments when I felt "called" to reach out, to bridge the gap between me and them but I had to remain on guard of myself.
A few days ago, "it" was the worst... I found myself on my knees willing God to let me call them so that I could be over and done with it. I had my battle plan and all the things I was going to do to rid myself from the hurt. In prayer, my heart was settled and called to wait. Wait some more... ugh. That same morning, after my prayer, I flipped my Bible open to the following passage...
Psalm 37 and a lot of it resonated with me in this season... but nothing more than these words lit almost on fire...
Psalm 37:34 Wait on the Lord, And keep His way
So I waited. I waited for God to provide his moment...
A moment which came this evening in an unexpected visit when the door bell rang. I have never been so tied up in knots as I was this evening. There was no weirdness.... well a little, but there was none of the hate and evil as before. There was none of the funny looks. For sure there were some things left unspoken and I hope they come out from both sides of the gap none of which will or can happen over night but this moment was for sure a break in the weather.
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