January 17, 2014
Infertility and Prayer
Part II
Prayer and Thanksgiving
Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. -
Ephesians 3:20
I could lie and stir-up another mental path for you to follow me on, however, it would be a lie and to speak plainly, this is much funnier!
This morning I went into hiding. I put myself in the toilet closet with my “MYPAD” as my husband lovingly refers to it and involved myself in Candy
Crush! I’ll admit, I may have lingered a little longer than normal – I will hang my head in shame. It is okay, you can admit it too, I am sure I am among many wonderful, God-serving mothers who’ve hidden from their
families…
This is where my son finds me, opens the door (I should have hidden better) and peers at me with his big, hazel-brown eyes, still filled with a little sleep and asks, “Mommy, aren’t you going to read your “Jesus Calling”?”.
I sit, because that’s all I can do at the moment, stunned!
Why stunned? Let me tell you why… If you are my best friend or my mom, I’ve recently in the last 24 hour’s revealed to you that I cannot “get into” this wonderful devotional by Sarah Young. Blaspheme, I know! Yes, sometimes it helps me; some days it points me along a fantastic path but not recently. Not since the beginning of this year. My son does not know this, he’s six, and I have not shared with him that this devotional is simply not “speaking to me”.
I ask my son why he would think that I should be reading “Jesus Calling”… He shrugs his little shoulders and says, “I donno, usually when you turn on the little lamp by the chair that means you are going to be reading.” He skips out the door.
Again, I sit in silence, humbled that my son knows better than I do what I should be doing.
My son also does not know that I am struggling with this writing. Last night as I prepared my public page, adding draft after draft, I was in fear of the unknown; the doubt creeping back in. I am also guarding tightly to my vest a writing I need to express, the story that needs to be told but I can’t. It’s not my story, it’s not for the world to know --- and yet it is. (There will be more to come on that one, it’s being written in my head and carved in my heart.)
So “Jesus Calling” today, again doesn’t speak to me until the end; the Bible verse. The one I began a few days ago with…
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 ESV
This morning, in the shower I reminded myself of the last time I prayed in the
shower… so I kneeled, hands opened and raised, expectantly I prayed.
I spoke my fears to my Father, I lifted up the burdens on my heart for this
project, and the fear I have for the story unwritten and to the complete
unknown. I opened my hands in expectation, of the answer that will come. I thanked him for the words I am being given, the memories I am remembering and for each one of my readers.
I am again on solid ground. ~Amen!
But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me. Micah 7:7 ESV
Infertility and Prayer
Part II
Prayer and Thanksgiving
Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. -
Ephesians 3:20
I could lie and stir-up another mental path for you to follow me on, however, it would be a lie and to speak plainly, this is much funnier!
This morning I went into hiding. I put myself in the toilet closet with my “MYPAD” as my husband lovingly refers to it and involved myself in Candy
Crush! I’ll admit, I may have lingered a little longer than normal – I will hang my head in shame. It is okay, you can admit it too, I am sure I am among many wonderful, God-serving mothers who’ve hidden from their
families…
This is where my son finds me, opens the door (I should have hidden better) and peers at me with his big, hazel-brown eyes, still filled with a little sleep and asks, “Mommy, aren’t you going to read your “Jesus Calling”?”.
I sit, because that’s all I can do at the moment, stunned!
Why stunned? Let me tell you why… If you are my best friend or my mom, I’ve recently in the last 24 hour’s revealed to you that I cannot “get into” this wonderful devotional by Sarah Young. Blaspheme, I know! Yes, sometimes it helps me; some days it points me along a fantastic path but not recently. Not since the beginning of this year. My son does not know this, he’s six, and I have not shared with him that this devotional is simply not “speaking to me”.
I ask my son why he would think that I should be reading “Jesus Calling”… He shrugs his little shoulders and says, “I donno, usually when you turn on the little lamp by the chair that means you are going to be reading.” He skips out the door.
Again, I sit in silence, humbled that my son knows better than I do what I should be doing.
My son also does not know that I am struggling with this writing. Last night as I prepared my public page, adding draft after draft, I was in fear of the unknown; the doubt creeping back in. I am also guarding tightly to my vest a writing I need to express, the story that needs to be told but I can’t. It’s not my story, it’s not for the world to know --- and yet it is. (There will be more to come on that one, it’s being written in my head and carved in my heart.)
So “Jesus Calling” today, again doesn’t speak to me until the end; the Bible verse. The one I began a few days ago with…
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 ESV
This morning, in the shower I reminded myself of the last time I prayed in the
shower… so I kneeled, hands opened and raised, expectantly I prayed.
I spoke my fears to my Father, I lifted up the burdens on my heart for this
project, and the fear I have for the story unwritten and to the complete
unknown. I opened my hands in expectation, of the answer that will come. I thanked him for the words I am being given, the memories I am remembering and for each one of my readers.
I am again on solid ground. ~Amen!
But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me. Micah 7:7 ESV
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