Moments

Saturday night... a stunning loss for the Arizona Wildcats, not that I was watching;  I  have never really been into sports.  Everyone's been a buzz this week... Sweet 16, Elite 8.  Even my kids are picking up on how cool our University is; I hope that continues, I want to see them there some day. 

This week has been an interesting one...  What to say... so many things.  Moments... Moments are what I want to write about tonight.  I hope you join me.

I wanted to stand in the sun this week.  It's Arizona... we're not freezing, spring has sprung and for the next few weeks the weather is going to be wonderful. 

Yes, I wanted to walk outside, raise my arms and stretch out; trying to touch the east and the west... head raised, eyes closed and just let the sun warm my soul.  Warm me through my skin, hair, through to my bones.  I wanted to... but never got around to it.  In my mind though it was spectacular!  Instead I walked along a long hallway at work, green tile - sun coming through the windows bouncing off the floor with it's rays.  The suns light dancing through windows, beckoning me out and warming me a bit of me with each step.  

Warning... if you are a boy reading this, it might get uncomfortable so you might want to skip over until Dinner...

This week also reminded me how much I hate my reproductive parts.   They've never worked quite right... remember it took us 10 years and numerous rounds of drugs, tests and dyes to finally have the twins... anyway... I am hormonal and have been getting migraines again... and I shouldn't be.  Not with the kind of medication I have been on to correct my issues... so blood tests, exams, peeing in a cup... all over again, except this time I am not trying for babies... discussing options for the future... I am only turning 35.  I am not supposed to have to think about any of this until I am 40... all of which, again, makes me hate my reproductive system. 

If you are a boy... it's okay to start reading again... I am almost at Dinner.

Dinner with my parents.... Thursday Pizza night... Sometimes we're all able to gather - the hubbie, my kids, my brother, mom and dad.  Sometimes, like this week it was just me, the kids and my parents....  Conversation was great, tons of laughs... and my restless soul taking a break at my parents home... It's great to bring the kids over, this mom can punch off-duty and Grammy-McPhee takes over with all her wonderfulness.  Coming home - Coming home... just saying Coming home transports me to peace.  It wasn't always that way though.  

Leaving that night I was struck with how different it was, I take it for granted.

I've said before that my dad is a recovering alcoholic.  Such a simple sentence with monumental impact.  Unless you've lived with someone who has an addiction you honestly have no idea what it is like.  You have no idea the damage that can be done or had been done.  If you have no idea, I am thankful...  because it's no way to live.  

The same table we just shared laughter at, pizza and conversations of our day is the same table we used to argue at.  The same table tears were shed at.  The same table we sat at to convince our mom to change the locks on our Dad because he needed help... the stories go on and on and on... sometimes I forget about them because my Dad has been sober for so long.  So long it seems like another lifetime and another family. So long ago that I take for granted the safe home I now can bring my children to... such a great moment to hang on to. 

Family says you never give up.  I am reminded of that this week too as a friend of mine struggles with her son.  Loving through the moments.  Knowing when to say, "you need more help than I can give".  Being strong when you are breaking inside.  Family says you always love, you never turn away.  

Today, waking up with another headache... my daughter comes in and cups my face.  She knows my head hurts, sweet girl (I can hear my best friend say ).  My daughter just knows how to heal... how to love with her presence.  She's packed and ready to go to Grammy's house for a sleepover.  Granddaughter date... and I get mother-son time.  My daughter lays next to me... she smells like strawberry lip-gloss, she smells like my beautiful aunt and reminds me of summers past.  She loves me and strokes my face.  We snuggle for a bit and then we go through her suitcase... undies-check, toothbrush-check, outfit for tomorrow-check, PJ's-check... and she brings me the phone so I can call for her ride.  Ready to head out... loved that moment... a moment of love and tenderness but also that she's growing up too fast, ready to head out to Grammy's on her own.  

My son... and movie night with his best buddies and mine as well.  It's not very often we just have the boys... Movie has action and boy humor... we hear them giggle slurping drinking their slurpees.  His little hand still slips into mine... but he lets go too often for this mommy.  His eyes twinkle for the new shoes we bought... his eyes twinkle for his friendships... his eyes twinkle all the way into his bedroom.  I leave him there and head to my own room.  Within a few moments he's found me, his twinkle is still there... his arms flung around my neck he whispers in my ear, "You're the best mommy. Thank you for tonight." and my heart bursts.    

Moments to capture... to remember... to share.  

Dear Heavenly Father,
I want to ask for nothing tonight... only to thank you for this life.  To thank you for these moments.  To thank you above all else, for your son who died on the cross for me.  To thank you for my husband and my kids.  Watch over them and protect them.  I thank you for my dad and his battle with alcohol which helped me become the person I am today but that you also healed and redeemed him.  I thank you for my brother.  I thank you for family, friendships and love.  I know moments of sadness happen... that the happiness will be interrupted eventually.  I thank you for warmth and light which is the promise to get us through those struggles.  Help me remember these moments and call upon them when I need them most.

In your sons holy name - Amen.