If you have never been introduced to her, please take a moment to read her stuff... the "good stuff" and get to know her. http://www.aholyexperience.com/ Yesterday's entry, So God created a Mother... Just encompass the wonderful people Mother's are in our lives, was breath-taking, simply beautiful.
My blog, tonight's blog, isn't going to be like that... Instead I want to take a step away from that.
If you haven't figured out by now... I want to uplift, to push the envelope, I want my friends-the women I know to think outside the box, to do something scary, to write, to be bold and different... to be the salt and the light we are called to be... the hearts we contain, the close-knit way we build our camps and circle the wagons... my heart for the friends, the women, the mothers, sisters and daughters who have guest blogged; the friends who pass me in the halls and share with me... I think of you... these last two days.
What does my heart want this year? My heart says, "Mother's Day does not belong to me." It does not belong to the expectation I have for the events this weekend; the expectations really are not reasonable... is not what it's all about.
First of all Mother's Day is not a one day event... I think you'd all agree... but that's not the tangent I am spinning....
Instead... I think about year's past where the preconceived notions about how I should be honored have fallen miserably short. The moments of sadness and depression when I wonder any of the following self-destructive thoughts which leave a wrath of damage in its wake...
"Does my husband see me and all the things I do to sacrifice for this family?" "Couldn't he put forth more effort to show me, one time a year how valuable I am to this household?" "Where is my coffee in bed..." "Why are we doing this, instead of what I want to do".... "He should know what I want to do, I shouldn't have to tell him".... and so on and so on...
This year... I say... Mother's Day does not belong to me. I take a seat behind the place of those that are truly worth honoring.
Mother's Day belongs to him... my husband... yes, I said it. I may say a whole bunch of other things too, that may have you scratching your heads... stay with me on this...
Mother's Day belongs to him... This man who stood a the top of an aisle for me next to a pastor and his father and waited for me to join him there, so that we could join our lives, when it became less about me and more about we.
Mother's Day belongs to him... who built a life with me and for me... who honored me every time he brought me flowers when I was upset. Who held my hand when my womb contained nothing but a void and sadness. For the man who holds my secrets and loves me anyway and finally the man who helped me make two beautiful children... and is raising them with me... Yes, this day belongs to him.
They helped teach this new mommy the things to do... the diapers to buy, that it was okay if I couldn't breast feed for years like other moms, when to add rice to formula, when to start solids, when to worry, when to call a doctor and when to let it "work itself out". They listened when life got hard... and bore some burdens that were too hard to bear alone... They were the "village" in "it takes a village". They helped plan birthday parties and made cakes... They were also the ones who would talk me off the ledge and celebrate the milestones.
This Mother's Day belongs to them.
This Mother's Day belongs to the woman who tells me it's hard to raise grown children... she is a mentor, she is a friend... she is a mother... you look at her and you see yourself when you are much older with older children. You see the way her life looks from the outside... you seek her advice and her ideas... then when she comes to you with her struggles and asks little old you to pray for her... to help lift her up because motherhood is too hard right now... when you sit in the stunned silence of the tuff-stuff and realize that it really does only get harder... you realize motherhood is for life... and didn't start with the birth of a child or ends when they walk out the door... Mother's Day belongs to her.
Mother's Day also belongs to the mother who tells me she is praying right now for her own child who is going through difficult times... who wont let anyone else in... but this mom can't handle her knowledge on her own so she tells a few, trusted souls who keep her prayers and worries within themselves and help lift those up in prayer.
Mother's Day belongs to the woman who decided she couldn't, for whatever reason, provide for the life growing inside of her and decided to give her child away to a woman who could be what she couldn't be... That one selfless act of loving someone more than yourself and looking outside of the situation for someone who would be the solution for the situation...
Mother's Day belongs to those mothers who sought after a child so badly that when the mother, at her lowest of lows said, "here... take my child and love and provide for him in ways that I cannot." That a bond was formed instantly... and those children grow and become people only God could imagine... the children God had in mind when he created you to one day become Mother...
Mother's Day belongs to my beautiful joy-filled friend who went through heart-break after heart-break along her own journey to have a child. To fill her home with the sound of little voices and laughter... to have those dreams realized only to come upon some of the toughest battles a mother can go through... the illness of her child. When the scary times were at her door and all hope seemed to stand still... she hoped... she prayed... she still believed... Mother's Day belongs to her!
The person I can call and count on... the person who will understand my expressions and subtle body-language enough to know when to push a subject... when to call vs. text. when to come along side and talk me off the ledge.
This person helps me "do" motherhood... the hard stuff, the easy stuff... the discipline and the in-between stuff. Mother's Day belongs to her... who just this past week jumped in a pool to save my sinking son before I could process what I was seeing... She who believes in me when I cannot believe in myself... Yes, Mother's Day belongs to her.
Who stayed with me in the hospital after the kids were born. Who helped me shower and who dealt with the not so pretty side of birth. Who gave up lunch hour after lunch hour to go to the hospital when I couldn't in order to make sure my kids were held and fed in the NICU.
My mom who makes every holiday, birthday and Mother's Day an event... a special moment in time... where you wonder if it could get any better - and then it does.
It is I who must honor them...
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