I recently heard this said, “Face trouble with courage, disappointment with cheerfulness, and triumph with humility”. All of us of have had to face trouble, and disappointment at some point in our lives, right? I can’t be the only one! I can’t say that I faced my trouble with the courage I needed, or that I even faced disappointment with a cheerful heart. It’s hard to do, especially when you are in the midst of whatever trial you are in. We live in a world that is full of unknowns: wars, disasters, economic hardships, dishonesty, health problems, a wayward child… the list goes on.
As a child, I grew up in a broken home. My mom married and divorced numerous times, and as a kid, I had no choice but to go along for the ride. We have to endure the choices of our parents. My mom picked some losers to be married to, and I endured a lot of abuse. Ugly. Yucky. Abuse. I was always happy for the next divorce. I won’t go into details, but I did endure some hard stuff; including emotional, mental, and sexual abuse. I had one dad I don’t remember, and four additional step fathers that each did something different to me. I grew up afraid of men, not trusting them. I grew up quite troubled when it came to men altogether.
Jump ahead to my life now. I just turned 50, so it’s been a long time since I was little. Amazingly enough, I’ve been married to the same man for nearly 29 years. We have five children, and three grandchildren. Our oldest two children are college graduates, and successful, wonderful people. Our middle daughter is working her dream job and learning to be a vet tech, she makes us laugh every day. Our fourth son is a high school junior and is my Mr. fix it and super helper. My youngest son tried to kill me. With incredible blessings, also come incredible trials, and sometimes troubles and disappointments.
I married a very good man, who has been very patient with me as I’ve worked through my abuse issues and patient with me as I’ve learned to trust him. I’ve needed help overcoming the hurt I experienced as a child. The hurt I’ve experienced as a mom. I’m finally getting what I’ll call the final step in my healing process, and this time I’m healing the little girl too. It’s been amazing, and though I often wish I could have received this kind of help years ago, realize I was only ready now. I’ve needed it most now, so I can heal the mom in me too.
Courage in the face of trouble. As I’ve healed my younger self, I’ve remembered several times I was extremely courageous … more brave than anyone I know. How could I not remember that as I face trials now? I am courage! I am courage! I am courageous as I now face my sweet son who hears voices that tell him to kill me. I am courageous as I leave my son in good hands, hundreds of miles from me, and know that he will never live at home again. I am courageous as I turn custody over to someone else entirely, and then fight like a momma bear to stay in his life. And win. I am courageous as I face this constant turmoil in my thoughts of him, did I do enough in the time I had with him? We brought him home at age three, a sweet child who was being given away by another adoptive family who was giving up. How could they give up? Why would they give up? And now, haven’t I done the same thing?
I will never give up on my son. But I must keep us all safe. I’m learning that giving him up was the most courageous thing I could do for all of us. It makes our visits more meaningful, our phone calls more precious. Oh how I long to show courage in my times of trouble. “Face trouble with courage, disappointment with cheerfulness, and triumph with humility”. I have so much work left to do in my life. I’m still healing… both the child and the mom in me. I have good days and bad days. Good weeks and bad weeks. Days when I truly do face my disappointments with laughter, because if I didn’t laugh, I would sob. I have weeks that go by so quickly that I can’t believe it, and there has been no crisis, no sadness, no trouble at all! And other weeks that I need to find the courage to get out of bed. The rest of that statement is facing the triumph with humility. I’ve had triumph, and do have to keep my humility in check? Oh yes. I think I hang on to the good too tightly sometimes. Brag about the good things my kids do a bit too much. Maybe live vicariously through my kids at times.
I can say I love my life. I am who I am because of my troubles, my triumphs, and my disappointments, and how I handle each situation as they come. I am courageous. I am cheerful most days, and I am trying to remain humble. The abuse stopped with me. My children have had a good, often comical childhood, though they have seen me sad and angry without knowing why. I recently, through the assignment of my therapist, told my children about my childhood. I think they understand their mom better, and we all love each other despite things that happened to me.
“Face trouble with courage, disappointment with cheerfulness, and triumph with humility”. Yes, I will continue to try. As I pray daily for the strength to have courage, to be cheerful, and to be humble, I will always remember the child in me, and know that I am because of Him. My Father in Heaven knew I would come through these trials with grace. He knew I would always try. He knows I will continue to try.
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