Where do I start life is now forever changed, what once was a future of happily ever after is no longer. When her heart stopped, my heart now forever changed. Dealing with the death of a spouse, whom just happened to be my Best Friend, someone I could truly confide in, comes with very many wavering emotions. Loosing a loved one is humbling, but yet sad and beautiful all at the same time. I never counted it as tragedy, she got to go home, her promised eternal home! That’s the humbling part, is that you realize life is all but far from eternal this side of heaven, and in that you realize God the very one who knew you, and created you, knitted you in the womb before you came into this world is really all that holds true. He is really the only one you can lean on. It’s like true north when your lost out in the wilderness. Thats kinda what grief feels like, being immersed into an unfamiliar reality, because familiar is now gone. The sad part is the realization that growing old with that someone is no longer viable. You are now thrown into a new realm without choice. I did not choose to become a widower, God willed me to be one. Which here lies the impasse, God put me here. My life as a father is forever changed, making all the decisions taking on all of what a husband and wife are to compliment each other in. Which is why at times to do ask God why. Why would you leave me here alone to raise a couple of teenagers, what makes this make sense. To take a quote from Rory Feek “Living to Show my kids what a husband looks like even though she’s not here”. This is where it becomes humbling, Gods says you can do this even though it does not make sense. At times Gods plans do not make sense to us, and because He has already been here. This is new to us and not new to Him. He has seen our yesterday’s, tomorrow’s, and beyond.
One day we may get to see why we were put on this new path. A path of humility and grief and what ever emotions we pick up along this new path of life that God has placed us on. Going through grief is no easy walk in the park many obstacles along the way such as anger, depression, a loss of purpose, guilt, shame, just to name a few, as the why God questions come swinging around with it all. I truly believe a lot of this comes from the enemy to trip us up over what our new purpose looks like one with out our spouse. As these emotions come into your path, pick them up and toss them, its not good to sit and wallow in them. It’s ok to feel these kinds of emotions Jesus did and as Jesus did He did not sin, the same goes for us how do we react to the overwhelming weight that some of these emotions bring. We pick up these strong and sometimes heavy feelings we should toss them at Jesus’s feet. Let God walk with you as you journey down this new path He has laid for you, for His way is for the way of the righteous. He is moving you and guiding you to the plans and purposes He has for you, and may this ministry help and guide you along the way as well.