​   
As this blog pops up in her FB memories and as I read her words, how they resonate with me today and as I look back to when all this was taking place and the faith we stood out on as she gave up a high paying career to go on “His Adventure”.  An adventure  I would do all over again with her a thousand times over.  It was an exciting, scary and  amazing time of watching God come thru and proved in a time of uncertainty and what seemed to be impossible He made possible.  Now Looking back on the past 2 1/2 years.   God has yet again put me in a place I would never choose to be, a place of sheer loneliness and one where I am utterly grief stricken that my heart constantly aches.  Now I reflect on what  she said it “He sent me somewhere I NEVER would have gone.” How I’ve had struggles with the enemy without my loving partner to help me navigate life.  How I resonate with the fact at times I too, iI wrestled with and was defiant with God along with questioning His purpose of my circumstance.  And here I am in a place I would never put myself.  Just as she penned in this blog about being sent to a place she could have never imagined and was sent somewhere she would have never go on her own. 8 years later here I am able to write about some of the very same struggles, but without her by my side.  


Take a glimpse at her words below:


http://www.mydoubledose.com/double-dose/archives/05-2016


Again here I am 8 years later and just as she writes, God is taking me on a Journey, a journey that I would not choose for myself.  A journey filled with grief, loneliness, and sorrow.  As I reflect on where God has placed me now I realize I was Blessed to be part of her journey walking alongside her as we followed Gods leading together as a team. 


Gods taking me solo on this new “Adventure” where it leads, well only He knows the answer to that I’m just following His lead.  I very much feel like a new acquired disciple walking away from my fishing boat as I drop the nets and follow, since I have recently walked away from my job of tens years due to accommodations not being able to be made for my needed schedule since now I’m left as solo “Dad” / only parent.


I would have never thought that I would be without a spouse and not able to retire from my job at this age, and taking on solo parenting to top it all off.  “Widowing with Teenagers”,  But here I am.  In a place I personally would have never purposefully put myself. 


So what do we do when we are in circumstances we did not plan.


WE TRUST!


Because just as Laurie wrote:  “Behold I am doing a new thing” I can embrace the challenge of a new thing, a thing that in which  has stretched me and cultivated me to be someone I could have not ever been before  


BEHOLD “He is doing a new thing through me, and in that allowing me to be encourage by LT’s words”.


Lord I want to Thank You and Praise you for using my circumstance to not only Trust You! But to lead me on a path, a journey I would have never chosen for myself my you lead me guide me and use me to help walk with and encourage others that are in a state of grief and enduring the emotional roller coaster that grief brings about. 


A response to my wife, though you are not here by my side I want to Thank You for allowing the Lord  to lead you in  your writings to share your heart and thoughts with the world.  By what you created though your faith in the Lord, you have giving me a place to share and reflect how the Lord has impacted your life.  And now I can reflect upon and share your written words which also allow me to still hear your voice, a voice that I will miss until the day the Lord takes me home.


May this post encourage someone today, entering a new.
A new journey in which God has set before you, no matter how difficult, know He is with you because, Behold He is doing something new and different in your life.


  


Blessings of His encouragement on your new adventure knowing the Lord is with you!


Triple Legacy


​

    As I process through the grieving process, as which I do not believe has a calculated process of completion.  Grief is such a roller coaster of emotions that I have mentioned before.  Sometimes no rhyme or reason to where your emotions come from, and while dealing with this grief I can only think of the amount of grief that was felt and generated when Jesus died on the cross.  The disciples were already grieving before Jesus went to the cross as explained in Luke 22:45 of the Bible.  As I find myself grieving my wife, sometimes the guilt of this act settles in and I tend to ask the question; why do I not grieve for Jesus in the same way?  For He was all perfect, all knowing and did nothing wrong in order to deserve death, but yet I give more reverence to my wife’s death than Jesus.  
     Does any one else struggle with this?
    Well I believe part of my struggle with this is due to the fact we were not there at the time of His death.  We had not become His companion, we did not walk along the path with Him personally.  We did not have a physical personal relationship with Him.  


    Where as I did have this very close and personal, intimate relationship with my wife.  As this has produced much grief and sorrow that I figure will most likely never go away, this loss will for ever be a part of my life.  Just as the ones who surrounded Jesus would forever grieve His loss.  


    I believe my own journey of loss has giving me to have more reverence for His death through my personal grief of the loss of my wife.  


    As we enter the season that celebrates not only the death of our Lord and Savior “may we find reverence in grieving over His loss and what that means to us.” May we also celebrate that He conquered death with the promise of His return.  The Bible has some great scriptures that put this into perspective.


Acts 10:36-43


1 Thessalonians 4:14




    Then as we exit this season may we know that our grieving for our loved one, may it forever be on our heart, as well as our grieving and celebration for the only one who really knows what our grieving truly looks like, because He is the only one who can truly see our thoughts and our hearts.


    In conclusion what can we do with all these emotions?  My encouragement is to love on the broken-hearted, just as Jesus did by being His hands and feet to those who have lost much.  May those who have lost, for those I pray that you have also gained a much stronger relationship with the one who knows us best and this is the one and only God of creation, our personal creator.


Psa 139:13-18


    May all that who read this Have a Very Blessed Easter Season!!


Blessings
Triple Legacy

​    Early on after her passing I would ask God why didn’t you take me instead, things would have been better for her, but as I have traveled this lonely dusty road of grief.  I have realized that the above statement is very far off from the truth.  I would not have wanted her to deal with the level of grief that is endured when one of such closeness passes.  
    
    She was truly my best friend and life companion of 23 Years.  We have been through many ups and downs in life, going through infertility for which seemed to be an eternity of 10 years, losing our first child before she was born.  I not even really sure at that time I really fully understood the effect that had her in retrospect, and then a year later being advised that we were having twins.  I’m so thankful she got to become a mother, I know that she felt very broken when Drs would tell her she would probably not be able to bare children.  If you go back and read some of her past blogs, she wrote about this very topic.  I believe this is where some of her grieving for the broken-hearted came into play she knew what it was like to feel broken.  


    As I go back and read her past works for which it helps me remember her voice, it seemed even early on in her spiritual journey she had her eye on the prize.  What prize you say?  The prize of our eternal home as believers we must remember this life on earth is not our final dwelling place a home is waiting for us in Heaven.  Gods Holy place.   You will find she had a strong faith in the promise of the  Lord as you read her impactful words.  While saddened by her passing I find Joy, Joy in the Mourning. Which is kinda ironic considering she played a small part in turning a ministry with that very name into an international operating ministry.  


    That very ministry came by my side when she passed and helped put together her celebration of life, and have also created a fund to help other widows and widowers in their time of need during loss.  She had dealt with grief in her life in the past and recently before she passed as you can read in her past works you will come across those stories as well.  Even with her dealing with past grief I’m so glad that she never had to grieve over losing a spouse, for that gives me Joy knowing that she would never have to endure such loss.  For this type of loss I would not wish on anyone ever having to endure.  We always saw ourselves as growing old together and hoping to pass on together as well, like the couple in Titanic.  For now I see God has planned out a different path than what her and I imagined.  As I ponder on what it has been like to lose her, I think about the amount of Grief Jesus felt for us when He died on the cross.  I’m sure my grief is a very small fraction much like a mustard seed in comparison  to the amount of Grief He felt for His people.


    As for now I find Joy in serving and talking with the Broken-Hearted just as she did.  Carrying on the Legacy of loving people like Jesus would.  For He calls us to love on the Broken and Weary!


    Here’s to learning and loving on the Lonely, the Weary, the Broken and the Broken-Hearted just as Jesus Did.




Blessings 
Triple Legacy

​For those of you that wanna know what widowhood is like John Schneider sums it up pretty well, I’m gonna put a watch warning on this as for I could not even watch the whole video clip without weeping and sobbing. So you have been warned my friends, and for those of you that are in this very same boat of crashing waves and emotions know that you are not alone, a community of us surround you and we are here for you, don’t be hesitant to reach out to the ones who are in this circle because we probably understand more than most.


Blessings to you this Week!
Triple Legacy

     You haven’t heard from me in a while, and its with a heavy heart I struggle to wrestle from.  We have lost so many people in the family this last year that the Holidays felt very empty, and I’m just now able to kinda return back to so sort of normal what ever that really is I’m not so sure anymore.  One day at time I move forward.  This little quote I came across kinda sums it up.

     Another post off FB that I got permission to share is this…..

​I love this. It's the most accurate one I've read thus far.
I borrowed this from a friend - it’s the most accurate description of widowhood that I’ve read:


Widowhood is more than missing your spouse’s presence. It is adjusting to an alternate life. It is growing around a permanent amputation. For some, it is long time friends saying “I’ll always be there for you,” and then they also disappear from your life. 


Widowhood is going to bed for the thousandth time, and still, the loneliness never feels normal. The empty bed a constant reminder. The night no longer brings intimacy and comfort, but the loudness of silence and the void of connection.


Widowhood is walking around the same house you have lived in for years and it no longer feeling like home. Because “home” incorporated a person. And they’re not there. Homesickness fills your heart and the knowledge that it will never return haunts you.


Widowhood is seeing all your dreams and plans you shared as a couple crumble around you. The painful process of searching for new dreams that include only you amount to climbing Mount Everest. And every small victory of creating new dreams for yourself includes a new shade of grief that their death propelled you to this path.


Widowhood is second guessing everything you thought you knew about yourself. Your life had molded together with another’s and without them you have to relearn all your likes, hobbies, fears, goals. The renaissance of a new person makes you proud and heartbroken simultaneously.


Widowhood is being a stranger in your own life. The unnerving feeling of watching yourself from outside your body, going through the motions of what was your life, but being detached from all of it. You don’t recognize yourself. Your previous life feels but a vapor long gone, like a mist of a dream. You begin to wonder if it happened at all.


Widowhood is the irony of knowing if that one person was here to be your support, you would have the strength to grieve that one person. The thought twists and confuses you. If only they were here to hold you and talk to you, you’d have the tenacity to tackle this unwanted life. To tackle the arduous task of moving on without them.


Widowhood is missing the one person who could truly understand what is in your heart to share. The funny joke, the embarrassing incident, the fear compelling you or the frustration tempting you. To anyone else, you would have to explain, and that is too much effort, so you keep it to yourself. And the loneliness grows inside you.


Widowhood is struggling with identity. Who are you if not their spouse? What do you want to do if not the things you planned together? What brand do you want to buy if not the one you two shared for all those years? What is your purpose if the job of investing into your marriage is taken away? Who is my closest companion when my other half isn’t here?


Widowhood is feeling restless because you lost your identity, partner, lover, friend, travel companion, co-parent, security, and life. And you are drifting with an unknown destination.


Widowhood is living in a constant state of missing the most intimate relationship. No hand to hold. No body next to you. No partner to share your burden.


Widowhood is being alone in a crowd of people. Feeling sad even while you’re happy. Feeling guilty while you live. It is looking back while moving forward. It is being hungry but nothing sounding good. It is every special event turning bittersweet.


Yes. It is much more than simply missing their presence. It is becoming a new person, whether you want to or not. It is fighting every emotion mankind can feel at the very same moment and trying to function in life at the same time.


Widowhood is frailty. Widowhood is strength. Widowhood is darkness. Widowhood is rebirth.


Widowhood…..is life changing."

​    I Pray that all is well with my fellow widowers after this Holiday season.  Also know that we are not alone, you are not alone I will walk with you down this Desert Road.  There is a song about this I will leave a link for it, as well as this link sent by a friend, people I’m Blessed to be surrounded by.  This podcast here from a man who could not find any resources for widowers.  Take a listen and know that many of us are in the same boat therefore we are not alone friends.  If after listening to the podcast you believe you may want a copy of his book let me know I’ll get you a copy in support of walking with you.  Be Blessed my Friends


Triple Legacy
Leading a Legacy of Love for the Broken


​Click links below

​As I read in my late wife’s favorite devotional, I read a short mention about how ships are never tested till put through a storm.  It got me thinking how true this is.  


     A ship that sails in brisk calm waters is not tested.  The sails may fill with the light wind, but are not stressed to their capacity.   The construction of the ship is not flexed or stressed the seams are tight.  It’s when the seas are rough and the waves come crashing over the bow is the ship put under stress and tested to its fullest.  When the winds are blowing causing the seas to erupt with fury are the sails put under extreme stress and tested to what they can handle.  This analogy goes along with our faith.  When life is calm and all is we our faith is not stressed or tested we just float along through life without a care in the world and at most times feel happy and blessed, but when the winds come and the waves develop is when our faith come under stress….  


     A verse comes to mind.  Matthew 8:23-27


Look at verse 23 — Then He got in the boat and his disciples followed Him.  
Notice the disciples did not get into the boat first.  JESUS DID!


    Next a storm came suddenly on the lake.  The waves swept over the boat.  Jesus was sleeping and the disciples wake Him in fear that they are going to drown,  They ask Him to save them!


    In verse 26 — He replies, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then He got up rebuked the winds and the waves,and it was completely calm.


    Verse 27 — The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey Him!”


    Their faith was being tested the boat was being tested!
Their fear of drowning prompted them to seek His help.


    God puts us in places we would never enter.  If I had a boat or a ship and I saw the waters were well questionable in the conditions of being too rough or white capping waves.  I would not take the boat out into those waters, but it is when He puts us out into those waters do we seek Him more?  
    Our faith is tested in these circumstances, do we abandon God or do we hold on evermore tighter than when we were just cruising the smooth open seas.  Ponder on that as I write the continuation.  




What storms does God have you in right Now
How can we pray for you?
How can we walk beside you?


Leave a Comment or click the more tab and leave a Prayer Request

     
​    What’s hard about being thrown into the widowers path is that you must walk by faith and not by sight, you no longer have a physical partner by your side.  You have God.  What makes this challenging is that the situations you once fit in are no longer.  You are no longer a couple so marriage retreats are out, date nights no longer exist,  those couple functions you would attend together are  also no longer.  This is a difficult road to walk, a lot of what once was is non existent and  this list could go on and on.  If you are a widow or a widower you no longer fit in spaces that were once comfortable and inviting, you now may feel like a third wheel a piece is missing and cannot be returned to make it whole.  You come to find you only have one perspective not two, ideas and thoughts have no place to go when your spouse is not there to hear them. No need to further improve and strengthen your marriage, its not there.  You had your chance to love them to the fullest, and now those times have come to a crashing end.  Social situations now become awkward and unfamiliar.  These are just parts of walking down the road of being a widow or a widower.  God meets you here and guides you along the way if you let Him.  The whys and what ifs pop up randomly at the most in opportune times to cause your mind to go into an uncontrollable stir at times.  Questions of why did God bring me here.  Well some of those questions as of late He has answered me.  One of the question I had asked Him was, “I see a need for a widowers ministry, who’s gonna do that?”
He replied “You”.  I was shocked I certainly thought not me any one but me.  So I went on with my days and pondered the idea, and in those days of pondering I was contacted by Joy in the Mourning about this very topic.  As the days progressed God spoke to me again. “You keep asking why she’s not here, well how can you possibly start a widowers ministry if she was still here” Boom there it was an answer to a question I had no answers for, but He did.  Her legacy leads to another chapter in Gods story.  My late wife/soulmate and best friend lifted up and encouraged the very person who started Joy in the Mourning, and now to carry on what she helped to start.  We want to come along side the widowers in our community to bring some support, healing and just a place to walk beside others and be present with others on the same journey.


    How can we pray for you?  Do you have any needs?  How can we come beside you to support and encourage you. 

Goto the more tab and click prayers
Leave your prayer requests, and or needs and or contact info if you would like to meet up
at the very least I want to be able to specifically  pray for you and you journey.

Hello Readers and Friends,

     I feel I need to be brutally honest I've been working on this piece for about a week, and I have just come to realize that all this sharing is emotionally draining.  Its has taken me a bit to get up the energy to finish this piece.  Happy Reading Friends.

     Last couple of days I have been skimming writings of My Late Best Friend.  Some published some not.  Many are completed and many are just mere random thoughts she jotted down so they were not forgotten and maybe turned into a masterpiece later, but as I read them they are all masterpieces to me. Her voice can be heard clear as though she was sitting next to me reading them aloud.  I came across one such piece of work that she publish almost to the day 7 years ago.  It was called Changing the condition of my heart,  when I read this it made me realize how far we had come as a couple, but some of those struggles mentioned in that piece still were true till the day the Lord took her home.  Marriage is hard it takes work,  we were working on mentoring other couples so that maybe their struggles could be softened by bringing forth our experiences and struggles that often married life brings.  Especially when it seems at times you are two ships in the night passing, trying not to create waves so that one may not be disturbed of sleep or awoken abruptly as both have schedules to keep.  To find that balance of courtship and to be attentive for one another as kids and work bring along a whole other group of needs that require our full regard.  Married life Christian or not, is not always going to be pretty flower gardens and rainbows.  Life is messy and hard it takes commitment, it takes being able to compromise.  It takes one to over look our partners flaws the things that may completely annoy us, because those battles may just not be worth waging.  I did learn through 24 years worth of marriage how to disarm My Best Friend.  That was merely just through a hug.  I believe I've written about this before, I'm repeating this so that for you that have forgotten or have not read that piece yet.  You just maybe able to deter a battle that does not need to be had by a mere hug.  A hug can change the condition of our heart very quickly, it can change the condition of your partners heart as well.  Her writing resonated with me that we need to look at each other as God looks at us through our brokenness, or our bad day, or our built up emotions that we must keep in check.  But it's  what we do when the emotions boil over and we want to react instead of keep them at bay. Sometimes it would be good for us to be furtive in our actions showing one we love them unconditionally just as God loves us.  We are human we mess up never perfect. In fact as 

     All have turned away;
all alike have become corrupt.
There is no one who does good,
not even one. Psalm 14:3

     According to scripture not one of us is good, not one.  

  In our marriages we must realize this together and change our hearts towards one another.


Therefore, let us no longer judge one another. Instead decide never to put a stumbling block or pitfall in the way of your brother or sister.  Romans 14:13
     
     Why would we put stumbling blocks in front of our spouses, because our hearts look inward towards our feelings.  Look outward and cherish the one God has partnered you with.  Im so grateful My Best Friend and my faith in God inspired me to write this, because I may not have her here anymore, but we can still proclaim what it was to struggle and fight for our marriage by changing our hearts.  May you change your heart towards your spouse today if needed.  I hope someone benefits from reading this today.  May we love like Jesus more everyday because He loved us first.


Blessings
​Triple Legacy