I tell this to my kids ALL the time! Stopping running in the parking lot, listen to your mommy! Do I need to maybe take my own advice…GULP here it goes. Does your week feel the same day in and day out, do you feel like you drive the same roads every day, do you talk to the same people every day? Yep that's me talking…. I’m sure that’s how my boys feel, mom’s just saying that to say that…..mundane. Why do I ask?
Before I go any further maybe I should give you a bit of background…
My name is Tashie, some of you may know me as Laurie’s “Bestie”, and others may not know me at all. But I am God’s daughter, a wife to my high school sweetheart for 14 years and a mother to twin boys who are 6 & ½, a sister and a friend. Let me start by saying, God placed Laurie & I’s path so close it is pretty amazing! We knew each other in high school, and then went our separate ways for 10 plus years. It was only after we had our twins that God brought us back together, by you guessed it Facebook & after few conversations during the very casual play dates we had that our journey of Infertility made an instant friendship begin to click. So some of her journey may sound as mine…..for we were walking the same path but had no idea until we reconnected when our sweet babes were almost 2.
My journey through infertility was very rough and rocky for about 5 years. During that time my husband and I could say we believed in God, but we did not give him enough credit for what he was doing in our lives and all around us. I truly believe that God’s time is impeccable, and we found out we were
expecting twin boys in Feb of 2007. We were so excited, you would assume we would shout it from the mountain tops, but no, we kept it quiet for we too had lost a baby at 9 weeks. During these moments I trusted God, but had my doubts. Where was he in all of this, where was he during the twice sometimes 3 a day injections and countless doctors appointments? Why could we not carry a child, why could we not get pregnant, why did we feel the need to keep this exciting news quiet? After all we had it all together we had the house, great jobs, great family and 2 extra rooms waiting……..just waiting for children to fill them with laughter & joy. So that moment was scary for us in Feb of 2007, was this the real deal, was this one going to stick or would we be filled with heartache again. As we had suffered time and time again during too many rounds of IVF, those 5 years.
The quietness soon became a beautiful belly, along with beautiful kicking along with lots of doctor’s appointments, lots of hiccups and a beautiful baby shower that only could have been fit for a queen! They arrived in this world 5 ½ weeks early as healthy as 2 baby boys could be at full term, while their Daddy was flying back home from training in Colorado…..Yes that’s God’s timing alright!!! In this(amazing, chaotic)moment is when God shown his light on me and my now family of 4, and said Tashie here is the moment that you can take my hand and I will keep you safe! For he had been there all along but I doubted, I asked why! He knew when I would trust him again; He knew when I would walk with him and give HIM ALL the praises! Which I did and have continued to do for the last 6 ½ years of my life!
So now we are in the parking lot at the grocery store when my bouncing full of energy boys are sprinting to the car! EEK!! Makes my heart skip a beat thinking about it, as I say please grab my hand and stop running through the parking lot I get “Why Mom, why do I have to hold your hand, why can’t I just walk next to you, I was in the crosswalk Mom…..I am sorry Mom”! Yes you’re sorry alright, now you’re holding my hand… which I love by the way! This lesson for them maybe is just please be safe and listen to Mommy! But for me something stirred… I say this all the time, because if you know my boys well they are boys! Good boys but boys will be boys and they don’t listen, and always are pushing mommy’s envelope…to see how far they can take me. All the time I say this…… all the time!
Listen up… Tashie - stop running, take my hand, slow down. And well if you know me, you know I’m going most of the time a million miles a minute. Yes I take time to sit down but most of that comes when the boys are tucked into bed and I can cozy up to my hubby on the couch for DVR time & a warm cup of Joe, or when I talk to my sisters or my bestie. So the ways that God show up for me is often through the things he knows I will stop and look at: like the little weed that has a beautiful yellow flower on it, that has somehow grown in between 2 garden pavers with only a little bit of soil- I praise Him! Or a little girl in my son’s kinder class that just randomly skips from across the room up to me a midst a lesson mind you and says “Jesus died on the cross for our sins”- and skips away as if God sent an angel to say Tashie slow down, Tashie listen to me, Tashie take my hand. I praise Him. He grabs my hand and guides me through the parking lot, safely! Do you hear me, he is good! My favorite verse that shakes me to my core every time I read it is:
Hebrews 6:19 We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm
HOPE you say, yes it anchors me, all the time! I pray every day before I place my feet on the ground and ask for HOPE, because how easily it is taken away, how easily our JOY is squished and how easily I run through the parking lot, and don’t listen and don’t take HIS hand. He is always there for me when I fall; he picks me up with his gentle grace and places me back on my path with the beautiful weed, or the little girl skipping through class……..that says there is HOPE, I am faithful!
So friends, if you are looking for him or looking for a piece to the puzzle or you are tired of driving those same roads…………Stop running in the parking lot. Stop running and just breathe, breathe it all in!
Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength. Corrie Ten Boom