Walking into the office on Friday, sitting at my door was a box of chocolate covered strawberries. No card... no name... no recognition... I suspect I know who was kind enough to brighten my day in such a sweet way... and as you suggested because I truly don't know... I am putting the thank you out there for all to see. Thank YOU for taking the time to wish me a Happy Valentine's Day! Your thoughtfulness was exactly what I needed.
Tonight I am sitting on the quiet side of the weekend. In quiet contemplation. I have been working on me... issues big and small. Taking a step out to possibly discuss them tonight. We'll see how tonight's blog pans out.
Yesterday was a challenging day for this mom... my house is just never clean enough, there is always something undone. I spent a lot of time on my knees, though not the right kind of time... I don't mop very often but when I do I am on my knees with soap and water... Three changes of water later and an aching back, knees, shoulders, joints... ugh I am feeling like an old lady. I know mopping isn't an Olympic sport but it feels like one.
So while down on the floor, I am cleaning cabinets I haven't done in along time, baseboards, cabinet knobs.... till I run across some toys that my kids used to play with when they were toddlers, long ago forgotten... haven't sung a tune in who knows how long... they used to love these. Chubby hands fitting together the pieces, bouncing on their diapered bums to the songs. Giggling when the pieces weren't placed together to make the correct thing and the funny song would point it out. These aren't at my daily view so they have hung-out way to long on the dishwasher. Time to say goodbye I think. A Disney Toy Story moment for sure, slowly recognizing the baby/toddler moments are long gone.
This weekend, with these two... testing every single boundary, pushing every single envelope, talking back -- talking at -- choosing to go their own way. UGH. The chore, which I've allowed them to ignore much to long because it's much better to have fun, play with friends, go out an do verses stay home and do what needs to be done... the chore is cleaning their rooms. It's still not done. We'll tackle more tomorrow, or rather this mom will while they are at school. There was a resounding "I am not doing this chore" this weekend... nothing explains it more than "The Note"... the note I made my daughter write to her teacher, explaining why she can't go on the school field trip this Tuesday to the Rodeo. The note says this:
Dear Mrs. F,
I will not be able to go to the Rodeo this week with my class. I was not a
good listener at home and I did not obey my mom. Instead I decided not
to clean my room.
UGH... you'd think there would have been tears... you'd think she would have been upset... nope! She wrote it out in minutes and put it in her back pack. What do you do with that defiance? I am at a loss...
It's not about my discipline though... it's not about all the ways I lost it with my kids this weekend... I can make up for those weak moments.
It's about recognition, I think.... that is all I seem to be focusing on. Do you recognize me? Recognizing that they are older, need a little more grace than before... Do you see me?
This past week, working on this blog, I've been so caught up in numbers... the sheer numbers astound me, what you are reading and when and how many of you there are. I post things that are hard for me sometimes, I crawl out onto that limb and sometimes I dangle... sometimes I stand.... and sometimes I hold on for dear life. The posts go out and are met with silence. I wait... and sometimes nothing happens. It was frustrating, it was maddening! No comments... No recognition. Then the writing kind of ceased within me and I prayed...
I prayed... and had a lunch date with my Father.
Before I get into that... let me tell you about the coffee creamer! My dad loves, loves, loves coffee. He's always making coffee. When we go visit, I love to have a cup of coffee with him, but he hardly ever has my kind of coffee creamer. I don't like the one he drinks... So we made a deal, I will have coffee with him, if he gets me the creamer I like. So he keeps two kinds in the fridge... mine and his. Well the last time we had coffee together, he decided to by the "off-brand"... Why would you mess with your coffee creamer? Why stray from the "staple"... That is exactly what I asked him... and his response... "because I felt like that flavor and your brand didn't have that kind... sometimes, it's not all about you"... Nope, sometimes it's not all about me!!! Match Point... the volley was over!
Back to lunch with my Father... I took my bible and went to Starbucks for coffee and a sandwich. I needed to be away, I needed to read. Nothing flowed from me, there was no passion or drive to write. I was seeking recognition the past few days and I needed to work it out.
I was working on my Valentine Blog, I knew I had this picture in my mind for what it needed to be but I was so caught up in the recognition that I couldn't get to it. I was seeking quotes on love, on God's love and I happened upon a couple of verses... in devotion and study.
For the administration of this service not only supplies the needs of the saints, but is abounding through many thanksgivings to God. 2 Cor. 9:12
But love your enemies, do good and lend hoping for nothing in return; and your return will be great, and you will be the sons of the most high. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil. Luke 6:35
And finally... And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus giving thanks to God the Father through him.... Col. 3:17
I get it... Light bulb! It's not about me... this has nothing to do with me but all of you my friends.
I am humbled, blessed and privileged to be having some amazing conversations with you all offline. The personal ones that touch my soul as you all share some of your closely guarded moments. I hear you and I take you home to pray over you.
The loneliness.. the humbling conversation about not knowing how to pray for yourself... the friend who is going through divorce... a miscarriage... the losses... I am at a loss... My friend who posts to Facebook and I see read your pain. Sometimes you just have to write it down. I am putting it out there. I am praying for you. I recognize the pain, the tough situations. To the beautiful person who said... "you know I am not a religious person but I welcome your prayers anyway"... you've got it.
I have a heart for every.single.one.of.you! So in conversation or in silence... I am doing what I am told, only that and no more.
Have a wonderful week every one.