I took some time and blogged for a few months as a contributing writer for Daughters of the Deep. Great site, wonderful ladies, I enjoyed it, and surprisingly having an actual deadline like a “real” writer was fun. However, quickly I found myself immersed in that “project”. The writing was separate from everything else I did. The content more faith based devotional type than my usual random life entries here and I was focused on new ideas and a new angle for my personal “brand” – yikes- I have no idea when that became me! I slowly fell down a rabbit hole I am not sure I was meant to go down. As I continued to develop my writing it became abundantly clear that I said yes to a good yes, but not my best yes and as I prayed I felt like I was affirmed on more than one occasion that God was asking me to review my priorities and that became one that had to go. I had to back-up and admit that I made a mistake.
Simultaneously, my heart and mind began to long for a bigger dream… one that I have dared to hope, dared to consider, dared to plant in the ground as a little seed and cultivate into something more. A book! As quickly as the dream began, the self-doubt became the only voice I could hear; “Who do I think I am?”, “Why on earth would people read anything I write?”
Honestly, does it matter? I dared to dream a dream! I gave those thoughts to God for more than a year and one night, goodness… I cannot even explain what came over me and what continues to come over me as I hear whispers, wisdom imparted, and scripture that lights an unbelievable path… my book is coming to life – slowly and that excites me. I know I cannot do it in my own strength, with my own wisdom but God can.
I have also been in a long season of refinement - remaining low and leaning in. Learning to make my beliefs my own, not because someone told them to me or gave me guidelines to follow, a rule book from an institution rather than the Bible itself. I am learning that I might be a rebel, I might push some boundaries, and you may not like me afterwards but my walk is deepening and I am going where God is leading me. My walk may not always be on a road filled with people and I am learning that sometimes I must travel it alone, until I find my people. God has been good to remind me that as a woman who chases after God that it matters more to me that I am obedient to God and less to the voices in the crowd.
Over the next few weeks I will be posting for you the posts from Daughters of the Deep, I am still deeply proud of the work I did and of that community --- they do great stuff for the Kingdom! I will also be posting some new things… so keep checking in.
Thank you for continuing to follow along… and for your prayers.