I write for myself because it's within me and at the same time I hope it helps someone else... There are so many writers and bloggers, so many book writers - all so much better. My measly little words, my uneducated voice...
Ha! Does that sound like me? It's not... That voice, those words... Those sentences... That is the enemy and before I continue, my friends, if you have that voice talking at you, changing how you feel within yourself - stomp it out and do it now.
Last year God took me on an adventure, He picked me up from where I was and sent me somewhere I could never have imagined. He sent me somewhere I NEVER would have gone on my own had I one glimmer of the future. That place, that time was some of the most challenging growth I have ever encountered with God. We wrestled... He dug in and I disobeyed, I walked my own for a bit... Put scripture away, except for Sunday's and "study" groups... And I was mad, and sad, and defiant, and beat down and finally; only when I gave in, did He began to show me just how awesome this season was.
He removed from me all the things which did not glorify Him; He stripped away my pride, repeatedly asking me to be quiet and humble. He removed from me respected colleagues and friends, he removed from me people who had been my people... The "in the trench people" and blessed me with the exact opposite.
When shouts and whispers ask for me to toughen up, grow thicker skin... I shook my fist at Him. Me... I am tough, I have thick skin, you cannot remove anything more from me without making me change the fabric of my being.
My joy... That's what it was taking and with gut crushing angry shouts on a drive home one night I realized... I was finally talking at Him so that He could talk to me. He had me where He wanted me... Pride - gone, respected colleague - gone, all other voices and cheerleaders - gone... Replaced with frustration and anger, for sure, but after a bit, silence... Within my temper tantrum He had me looking squarely at Him and He whispered, "I made you exactly as you are, I MADE you and I am removing from you what doesn't belong but don't you lose who you are in me, don't you lose your joy."
Has a word ever resonated within you? Captured your thoughts... Invaded prayer time? Been on the tip of your lips?
Behold has become my word this year! Standing at a precipice waiting to be tipped over into behold.
be·hold bəˈhōld/verb archaic literary
verb: behold; 3rd person present: beholds; past tense: beheld; past participle: beheld; gerund or present participle: beholding see or observe (a thing or person, especially a remarkable or impressive one)."behold your king!"
synonyms: see, observe, look at, watch, survey, witness, gaze at/upon, regard, contemplate, witness, eye. More catch sight of, glimpse, spot, eye; informal clap eyes on, have/take a gander at, get a load of; literary espy, descry, "no eyes beheld them" look, see - "behold, the prince returns!"
An active word... To participate in, to be looking and seeking. Waiting in anticipation for something to come.
Dreams and desires in my heart, hidden deeply within myself, sometimes unspoken... He knows them all. He planted some of them, He has been working within me until His time.
Quitting anything, especially writing is not in His plans; not at this time... He did show me the places in my life which I needed to step away from... A job, ugh - a high paying one at that. Full time work outside of the home. Stepping away from worldly financial security into the supernatural security... All of which is saved for anther blog at a later time...
Instead now, to focus on Him and promise... Behold started to appear towards the end of last year... I remember reading the passage somewhere in my quiet time and the words danced on the page, popping out at me. A few weeks later that very same passage was prayed over me by a sweet friend, without knowing God had already been revealing scripture to me.
I will give you a new heart, I will remove the heart of stone. I will put my Spirit in you. I will save you. Behold - I am doing a new thing. ~ Ezekiel 36:26-29
Waiting in anticipation... Behold... But not just that... A promise... A hope... I am doing a new thing... He is doing a new thing!